So it’s been a while, well more then a while. But I make no apologies, I needed to step back a little over the last few months before total and utter burn out and I imagine I’m far from alone there.
I have really really really enjoyed the challenge of setting up my business, and I love love love making, but over the last 6 years or so I haven’t really taken a break. Honestly I think the last time I actually just took time out was in summer 2005, after my finals, the day after finals I got a temp job for a month I paid off credit card etc and once the job finished I retreated to my parents house for about a month. Just playing computer games and reading and avoiding anything else while I recovered from the giant stress ball I had become during my final year. I have a tendency to want to do everything, and to be doing something great and exciting while beating myself up because I’m not doing ten other things at the same time! And it felt like giving up to let go of that a bit. But I needed to!
So for the last few months I’ve been of course keeping up with orders, I need to pay the bills, but more so I get a little cranky and antsy if I go too long without making something! But I’ve stepped back on blogs, facebook, instagram etc, I’ve started (mostly) taking 2 day weekends, a luxury for us self employed! I’ve stopped beating myself up for the things I’m not doing, or well I’ve tried to stop beating myself up. I’m trying to do the things I want to do in my free time rather than what I think I should be doing. I HATE the word should!
I’ve gone for more walks and dug around in my garden , it still looks like a bomb hit it but it is a bomb with some sunflowers and tomatoes so it makes me smile! I’ve been baking and cooking and enjoying good food, and stopping beating myself up about my weight, that can fall down the to do list, it’s not a priority…..although I did just struggle to write that and rewrite and delete it a few times! As I said work in progress!
I’ve not seen all that many friends and I am sorry about that, but I needed the space, I needed the time, constantly having things scheduled and leaving one thing to rush to another etc was just stressing me out and I wasn’t enjoying it. I saw a bunch of friends for the first time in ages last weekend and it was lovely, extra so since I allowed myself a nap afterwards rather then running off to do something else.
Anyway my reason for writing this is not just to catch you up on me, although for the people that know me personally this is why you haven’t seen me that much! My reason is that I’m sure I’m not the only person in this boat! We’re all too busy being busy to actually enjoy stuff and live a little! Being busy is like a status symbol nowadays and that’s kinda messed up!
I’ve been listening to Brene Browns work; very much recommend the audio book The Power of Vulnerability, and I think she’s hit the nail on the head when she says we’re living in a culture of never enough. And I for one want to try to break that! I’m not going to do it overnight, in fact I’ve been thinking about this blog post for ages and beating myself up about not writing it, so there is definitely work to do!
I think this quote sums it up nicely
“Worrying about scarcity is our culture’s version of post-traumatic stress. It happens when you’ve been through too much, and rather than coming together to heal (which requires vulnerability), we’re angry and scared and at each other’s throats.” -Brene Brown
So many of us are scared and angry, and too busy and tired to be able to step back and see it, so I’m trying, I’m sorry if I fail at times, especially to the poor hubby that has to live with me, but I’m trying. As she says we start our day thinking we didn’t get enough sleep and end it thinking we didn’t do enough. Isn’t that messed up? I’m not sure there ever is enough and it’s making me miserable to try to reach that goal!
So I’m going to continue my business, cause I love it! I love working for myself! I love making things! I really love getting emails and photos from happy customers, and knowing that people are wearing my work and especially with my wedding rings that my work represents something as amazing as love…I might be tearing up typing this don’t tell anyone. I honestly do love my job. And I love that I can say that……I may have used the word love a few too many times but I make no apologies the world needs more love! However I don’t love or need to be working in a hotel room on holiday in Lake Como, just staring at my phone when that beautiful world is out there! I don’t need to be stressing about instagram and facebook, I like using them, they can be fun, when they start being a cause of stress, I’m stepping back. I’m always going to meet my orders because as far as I’m concerned that’s a promise I’ve made to my customers and I don’t like breaking a promise, but I’m maybe not going to respond to your email at midnight, I’m pretty sure it can wait until the morning.
I’m going to spend waaaay more time snuggling up to my lovely hubby watching Studio Ghibli movies over and over, and Little Witch Academia which we’re totally hooked on at the moment and trying to pace ourselves watching! I’m going to rub my bunnies more, dig in my garden, go for walks with friends, eat really good food, stretch more, transition to minimalist shoes (more on that later) get outside more and just enjoy life more! More of I want to rather than I should, and it would be absolutely fantastic if anyone wants to join me in this! ….anyone? ….please? ….there’s strength in numbers!